I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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