the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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