i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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