there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
