why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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