My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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