Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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