Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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