DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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