Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
