Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
