Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
where am i from again
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
