I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just had sex bonerless
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How does it feel to date your dad?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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