After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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