put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize