I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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