The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
