Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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