Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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