ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize