Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
