xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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