i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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