He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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