I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
