No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
