just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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