accomplished twins. life is a go
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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