Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
