I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
