I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When are your genitals available?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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