I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
