Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
