shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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