what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize