Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
