i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
