ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
