After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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