So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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