I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize