At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize