I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
