So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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