Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
