i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
