I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
