I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
