I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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