if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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