Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
