We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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