Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
