She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
