I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
