I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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