my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
