Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
