It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
