I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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