New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
