why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
