I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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