I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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