Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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