im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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