I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
